How the Chinese stay put in Italy

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.
 
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked an old man named Ah Pek to represent them.

 
As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be added to the debate.
'To be fair', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.

The Pope agreed.

On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed
three fingers.
Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.
Ah Pek pulled out an apple.
 
The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay.'


An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.


The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.


Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.


I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do??'


Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what's happened in the debate.


'Well', said Ah Pek. 'First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my third finger and asked him to f*@k off, and that none of us was leaving.


Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.'


'Yes, and then???' asked the crowd.

'I don't know', said Ah Pek, 'He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.'

The Italian Virginity Test

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.

His doctor says ... "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit ~~~ a very small can of Red paint, a very small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel."

Mario asks ... "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies ... "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.


If she says ... 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen !',
..........you hit her with the Shovel.

Singapore Airlines

Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines
from Singapore to New York.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,
' If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes
have baby planes ?'

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight
attendant,

' If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes
have baby planes ?'

The flight attendant responded, ' Did your mother tell you to ask me
that ?' The little boy admitted that she did.

Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.


Now, let your mother explain that to you !

True Facts ......

1. Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples... POINTLESS !

 2. A Fact: Fuck a woman and she Loves you... Love a woman and she Fucks you !

 3. MBBS Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a woman faints, we must first check her pu_s_.  Only few students who wrote: 'Pulse' passed !

 4. The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to: Hang Till Death !

5. Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREASTS?
Girl: Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up !

 6. Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence...
A Pregnant Prostitute !

 7. If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, then.. Frustration is the Father of Masturbation !

 8. If your Boss says: Nothing is Impossible, ask him to wear condom after sex....!!

Tequilahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to
the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it..

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the
keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the
jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila in 60 seconds or less, and you can't
make a face while doing it."

 

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove
that tooth with your bare hands."

 

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care
of that problem."

 

 

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd
have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn
tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down
both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the
people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -then,
nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now... where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

Why Worry?

Where Would You Be?

WHERE WOULD YOU BE...


IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES.


IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES.


IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL WAS AWAITING YOU.


IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN.


IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS & PETS.


IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?


SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE ?


Well....... HELLOOooo !!!!!!!


You'd be at the
WRONG FUCKIN' HOUSE